When your future mother-in-law uses your toothbrush to clean the bird cage.

Looking for your toothbrush? Maybe check to see if your future mother-in-law is using it to clean the bird cage. || Illustration by Asti @ bit.ly/atypicalnarrative

Illustration based on a true incident the last time I visited Dave in London. Because my life is blessed like that.

Alright boys and girls, gather around. Today I’m going to talk about that time when my future mother-in-law used my toothbrush to clean the bird-cage. (Yup, that definitely happened.)

It all took place during my last visit to London in September. As I have lived with Dave’s family in the past, I am always quick to make myself at home once I arrive. I put my toiletries in their bathroom, unpack all my belongings into Dave’s room, and slip into my pajamas as that’s my favorite look to rock around the house. (If his family was hoping for some stylish put-together girl for him to marry, they must be quite sad because comfort ftw.)

And that was fine. I did all those things as usual and thought nothing of it. Things went smoothly for that first week, as they usually do.

And then… my toothbrush went missing.

Do you know how confusing it is to be confident in the location of your belongings but for them to not actually be there? Like, since when do your things just get up and walk the heck away? I know my dental hygiene has had its moments in the past (damn irresponsible younger self), but I swear I’m on top of it these days so there is no real reason for my toothbrush to just bail on me like that.

So after checking, and double checking, and triple checking that my toothbrush wasn’t in any logical place where it should be, I yelled at Dave to find out what the heck was going on. He also had no clue what happened to my toothbrush. He asked me what it looked like, checked the toothbrush holder one more time (because obviously my glasses show that I am a blind fool that requires double-checking) and then went to ask his family if they had seen it.

And guess what? His mother had. Because it was in her hands. And she was using it. To scrub bird shit. Off the bird-cage.

Wow, thanks mother-in-law.

Of course she apologized once she realized her mistake and assured me it was unintentional. She claimed that she went through the toothbrushes in the cup and with some sort of deductive reasoning involving its color, size, and other such nonsense determined that my toothbrush was the unused one that was up for the job of cleaning the bird-cage. (Erm, thanks?)

She didn’t even think to ask if it was mine because what sort of reasonable person does that?

Luckily there was another unused packaged toothbrush in their cupboard so I was still able to brush my teeth the rest of that trip, but boy did I learn a few lessons from that experience:

  1. Don’t get too comfortable in other people’s homes. It may backfire. In a very unpleasant way.
  2. Maybe Dave’s mom doesn’t love me as much as she claims.
  3. The toothbrushes I prefer are great for cleaning shitty bird cages.

And there you have it, that one time my future mother-in-law used my toothbrush to clean her bird’s cage. Because that’s my life.

Asti signature

Alright, does anyone have any sort of similar experience they want to share to make me feel better? Something where a family member has stolen something, whether intentional or not, and used it for less-than-lovely purposes? If not, could you at least spare some pity for me because these kind of things are my unavoidable reality? I’d greatly appreciate it. 

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10 Comments

  1. Omg, Asti. Only you. 😂

    The only story I can think of is from back in middle school. My friend and I were really into making decorative glycerin soaps. Anyway, my grandpa was visiting, and one day when we all came home from school/work, he informed us that our candy was spoiled. My poor grandpa, who would eat anything and everything he saw, found the soap where it was sitting out to harden, thought it was food, and started munching. (And this is why you don’t steal people’s food, lol.)

    • Haha, I love that! Hopefully that taught your grandpa a little lesson 😉 We’re actually surprised something similar hasn’t happened here with my brother. My mom bought a little blue container for our dishwasher tablets that she leaves on the counter and if you happen to just glance at it it looks like it’s full of tiny wrapped candy. I mean, I would think it’d be obvious once you’d open one what’s inside, but my brother’s so oblivious sometimes we assumed that one day he would try to sneak one out thinking it was candy and end up attempting to eat it before he realized. (Especially because he never runs the dishwasher so who knows if he actually knows what a dishwasher tablet looks like, lol.)

  2. Asti, I, too, had suspicious dental hygiene. But, like you, I am doing better at this cleanliness thing now. Were you super embarrassed upon discovering that your toothbrush was use to remove bird poop? Poor mother in law. Poor Asti. Awkward pants. Have I told you how much I love your blog? I love it a lot. Always making me smile. Thank you, buddy. *Hugs*

    • Aw, I’m glad my blog makes you smile. One of the best compliments to receive!

      And no, I wasn’t too super embarrassed. I think his mom was more embarrassed once she realized her mistake, haha! I was just sort of in a state of shock (and glad that, you know, I found out what she was using it for before finding the toothbrush laying somewhere on my own and then using it to brush my teeth unknowingly with bird poo particles on it :O).

  3. Oh man, this is the greatest thing. (I think perhaps the best part might be that your MIL thought it perfectly reasonable to keep the bird shit-cleaning toothbrush IN THE SAME CUP as the toothbrushes that actually go into people’s mouths. #logic) My sister tends to do the same thing, often using my toothbrushes for rather questionable purposes – apparently the Cool Kids now use toothbrushes to apply makeup, which I am not entirely sure I understand at all, but of course my toothbrush is always the one sacrificed for this purpose 😉 You are not alone, I promise! xx

    • Haha, don’t worry Topaz, that was just miscommunication! She doesn’t actually keep the bird shit-cleaning toothbrush in the same cup as the regular toothbrushes. The bird was a newer addition to the household (was there a couple of months) and while she had cleaned the cage before I think this was the first time she ever actually felt the need to scrub it in certain spots so she went in search of an unused, rejected toothbrush for it – and chose mine. But still, #logic – you’re looking for a toothbrush you don’t think anyone uses but you have someone in the house who doesn’t normally live there so don’t check to see if it’s their’s first (and it WAS used the night before XP).

      Toothbrushes for makeup? I feel like this must be an eyebrow thing? I’m not quite sure what else the bristles would be good for. Seems a bit harsh your toothbrush would be the one sacrificed – shouldn’t she use her own? haha. Ah well, I take comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Thank you Topaz ❤ xx

  4. I don’t know why your mother in law would choose the unused toothbrush, since back home, we’d use the really, really worn and used toothbrushes to clean things around the house. The worst toothbrush mishap I’ll have is when someone mistakes my toothbrush as theirs and that’s it

    • I mean, the mistaking of toothbrushes and accidentally using someone else’s SHOULD be the extent of toothbrush mishaps. That’s mostly harmless. And yeah, I’m not quite sure what happened. They even had an extra toothbrush that was still in the package that I ended up getting to use for the rest of my stay so really, why didn’t she just use that one in the first place? haha. I’ll never know.

  5. Hahaha this is such a funny story. Luckily there was a spare toothbrush lying around!

    I definitely know what you mean about the feeling you get when that thing you always put back in the same place is no longer there, and you have no idea how or why?! It’s even worse when you never find it and you simply just have no idea what happened to it.

    Jordon @ Simply Adrift

    • Yes, luckily! (Though why that spare toothbrush wasn’t used to clean the cage instead, I’ll never know…)

      Very true! It probably would’ve driven me absolutely crazy if she realized she used my toothbrush for the bird cage but didn’t say anything because she was embarrassed or something. Then I would’ve spent ages looking for it and going absolutely mad, wondering how the heck I could’ve lost it so. So I’ll at least give her credit for owning up to it and allowing my mind to rest. At least it was short-lived stress (and then just a bit of a disbelief :P).

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