Alright boys and girls, gather around. Today I’m going to talk about that time when my future mother-in-law used my toothbrush to clean the bird-cage. (Yup, that definitely happened.)
It all took place during my last visit to London in September. As I have lived with Dave’s family in the past, I am always quick to make myself at home once I arrive. I put my toiletries in their bathroom, unpack all my belongings into Dave’s room, and slip into my pajamas as that’s my favorite look to rock around the house. (If his family was hoping for some stylish put-together girl for him to marry, they must be quite sad because comfort ftw.)
And that was fine. I did all those things as usual and thought nothing of it. Things went smoothly for that first week, as they usually do.
And then… my toothbrush went missing.
Do you know how confusing it is to be confident in the location of your belongings but for them to not actually be there? Like, since when do your things just get up and walk the heck away? I know my dental hygiene has had its moments in the past (damn irresponsible younger self), but I swear I’m on top of it these days so there is no real reason for my toothbrush to just bail on me like that.
So after checking, and double checking, and triple checking that my toothbrush wasn’t in any logical place where it should be, I yelled at Dave to find out what the heck was going on. He also had no clue what happened to my toothbrush. He asked me what it looked like, checked the toothbrush holder one more time (because obviously my glasses show that I am a blind fool that requires double-checking) and then went to ask his family if they had seen it.
And guess what? His mother had. Because it was in her hands. And she was using it. To scrub bird shit. Off the bird-cage.
Wow, thanks mother-in-law.
Of course she apologized once she realized her mistake and assured me it was unintentional. She claimed that she went through the toothbrushes in the cup and with some sort of deductive reasoning involving its color, size, and other such nonsense determined that my toothbrush was the unused one that was up for the job of cleaning the bird-cage. (Erm, thanks?)
She didn’t even think to ask if it was mine because what sort of reasonable person does that?
Luckily there was another unused packaged toothbrush in their cupboard so I was still able to brush my teeth the rest of that trip, but boy did I learn a few lessons from that experience:
- Don’t get too comfortable in other people’s homes. It may backfire. In a very unpleasant way.
- Maybe Dave’s mom doesn’t love me as much as she claims.
- The toothbrushes I prefer are great for cleaning shitty bird cages.
And there you have it, that one time my future mother-in-law used my toothbrush to clean her bird’s cage. Because that’s my life.
Alright, does anyone have any sort of similar experience they want to share to make me feel better? Something where a family member has stolen something, whether intentional or not, and used it for less-than-lovely purposes? If not, could you at least spare some pity for me because these kind of things are my unavoidable reality? I’d greatly appreciate it.