(Wow, I just realized when I edited this photo 800 months ago that I made Tasha really, really orange and did a horrible job of separating her from the background to make it black-and-white. What bad photo editing. And what lazy blogging in that even though I recognize this now I can’t be bothered to fix it. #Bloggergoals, everyone.
Anyways, to the point of this post…)
Is my dog a bitch or is she just deaf?
Yup, that was the question I had to ask myself a couple of years ago once I returned from studying abroad in London. My lovely chow/collie/retriever mix Tasha wasn’t as responsive as she used to be and I just couldn’t decide whether she was being a stubborn bitch, upset that I had left her for so long and flexing her HBIC muscles, or if her old age was finally catching up to her in the form of hearing loss.
It took me a month or two to come to a conclusion but in the end I figured it out: she’s actually a bit of both. My dog is a deaf bitch. Not only is she hard of hearing, but she likes to do what she wants.
(Oh, and hey, she is a female dog so she’s a bitch even on the technical level too. You can’t yell at me for using this word so much when it’s technical!)
Now being an owner of a deaf bitch isn’t too bad. For the most part she’s too lazy these days to get up to any trouble and we do a great job of communicating non-verbally. (There’s nothing like a sassy hands-on-the-hips pose to let a dog know she’s crossing the line.) The one area in which this has become a bit of a struggle though is bathroom breaks.
Oftentimes, if I’m not right at the back door as she is done relieving herself, she will walk towards the gate entrance to the front yard and monitor what’s going on in the neighborhood. And that is fine, old guard dog for the win, but her focus on the outside of the backyard often results in her being faced in completely the wrong direction to notice me trying to call her in. As a result, I end up looking like a damn fool to the neighbors because when this happens I literally windmill my arms around and do a little dance in hopes that she’ll notice the movement out of the corner of her eye and look over to realize it’s time to come inside.
And it usually works… when she’s only being deaf and not being a bitch.
Even if I’m able to get past her deafness to let her know it’s time to come inside, that doesn’t mean she always comes inside. Sometimes she’ll look at me, notice my attempts, and then just stand there. And stand there. And then maybe walk away deciding “oh wait, maybe I do need to relieve myself some more.”
But hey, I can’t say I blame her. By the time I’m her age (78 if you go by this dog age chart) I’m going to do damn well what I please whether I’m deaf or not too. At that point you’ve earned it. But still, that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it in a blog post, right?
Has anyone had a similar experience to this? I’d like to think I’m not the only pet owner with such struggles. (Please don’t tell me if it’s in relation to your deaf grandma or something, let’s not get that mean. ;)) Or any other quirky struggles you have with your pets that you want to vent about to me? Let me know in the comments below!